Tag Archives: musings

An Awesome Responsibility

It happened two days in a row.

C was frightened and she reached for me.

My. Heart. Melted.

Sure I was a little upset that she was scared, especially since one of the two times it was me vacuuming by her that made her upset, but I was also elated becasue she knows who I am. Well she doesn’t know who I am really, but she knows that I am a source of comfort. That I belong to her.

Some days I really can’t believe that she belongs to me.

I can’t fathom the fact that she started off as a zygote, grew in my body for nine months and came out of body. I wanted her so bad and now she’s here. We have kept her alive for 8 months and she is turning into a little person. She is starting to move. She gets frustrated, and proud of herself. She feels pain and giggles.

Within a week of coming home from the hospital we had to take C to the orthopedist. I was filling out the paperwork and it asked for the child’s guardian. That’s me! I am someone’s guardian. I am responsible for teaching her how to take care of herself and be a productive member of society.

Just today a permission slip came home from daycare. Am I even old enough to fill out a permission slip? Some days I wonder. I pick C up from daycare and wonder if the other parents think I am her big sister, or the nanny. I am actually an older new mom. Why do I feel like a fraud? Maybe I just can’t believe how incredible lucky I am.

Scraped knees, saying ‘no,’ and broken hearts (hers and mine) are in my future.

It’s a frightening prospect.

And an awesome responsibility.

Onto Motherhood-crawler

Santa Brunch

So I wasn’t even planning on taking C to get her picture with Santa. But then I watched Miracle on 34th Street the other night and while crying at the end of the movie I changed my mind. The mall at Christmas time gives me hives, and going to the mall with me on any given day gives my husband hives. Luckily we heard about Santa Brunch at a local place and were sold.

During the days leading up to it I was more excited than Cora. A friend of mine explained it perfectly, having a child is an opportunity to recreate your own childhood. Not in a selfish, my childhood stunk so I am doing this all for me now kind of way, but an I think this is great and I want you to experience it and look back in 20 years and know that your parents loved you and wanted the best for you kind of way.

C was a peach while B and I went back and forth to the buffet tables. And when I went to the bathroom it hit me-this is where I got married. Now, I knew when I made the reservation that we were going to the place where my first wedding took place, but in the bathroom I almost had like déjà vu. It hit me in my core.

It’s been 10 years. Thank God we don’t always get what we wish for. Because today I am truly happy. And I wouldn’t be the person I am, or have my sweet little family if I did.

santa photo


When I go back to work I am going to miss 7-9 am.

Cora wakes up around 7 am and I take her out of her crib and change her. Then I bring her into bed with me to nurse. Then we sleep and snuggle.

Her little hand wanders around and will grab onto my sleep bra or find a home somewhere on my chest. She rubs her head back and forth on my arm getting boogers and drool everywhere before resting it in the nook of my arm. And then sleep. I can feel her breath on my face. Sometimes I doze off myself. Sometimes I just watch her.

Around 8:30 I am woken up by coos and chatting. We snuggle some more, talk about Cora’s dreams and our plans for the day. We say hi to brother Oliver who is usually near by.

And then the day begins.


2 for 1 Holiday Special

Oh my goodness what a busy week. To busy for my liking. With only 25 more days left of maternity leave I need to slow things down and take time out to just stare at C so her beautiful face is imprinted in my mind when I am not with her.

Which leads me to my current musing. I have been thinking about beliefs that I had before I had a child and how those thoughts have changed.

I used to think that after I had a kid my life social life wouldn’t change that much. That my husband and I would continue to do the things we do, that I would still hang out with all of my friends, and we would just integrate her into our activities and it would be business as usual.

Well, it’s not like that.

And it’s not because of nap schedule, or feedings every two hours, or all of the stuff that needs to be lugged from place to place with the child (that car seat weighs a million pounds). The reason why it is not like that is because I would rather sit at home on the couch with a sleeping child on my chest than go out. I don’t want to not be with her.

And that surprises me.

I doubt that it will always be this way. I was around some 2 year olds today and I am pretty certain that when C is two I will have no qualms about leaving her for a few hours, or days.

But for now I just want to be with my baby.

And my friends? They are welcome to visit. Or we’ll come over. We’re like a 2 for 1 holiday special. And if they don’t understand? Well that is ok too. It is where I am at right now. Meet me there, or hopefully we will meet each other again somewhere down the road later on in the future.

My advice to all young girls who may want to have a baby one day

Start saving…NOW! Loose change, allowance, part-time jobs, save it all in a safe place in your room, or get a grown up to help you open a high yield online savings account.

When you get older live within your means. Student loans are a necessary evil but stay in state so they aren’t as high. And for goodness sake, stay away from those credit cards. Finance a car that is in your budget and perform maintenance on it so that it out lives your payments.

When it is time to purchase a home only take out a mortgage that you are comfortable with, not what the bank approves. If you are living with someone see what it would be like to live on only one salary for a few months, just for fun.

Buy clothes that are classic and well made. Take good care of them. Don’t give in to the latest trend. When you want to buy anything ask yourself if the item is something that you would end up selling at a garage sale in 2 years.

Don’t drink or smoke-those hobbies are too costly. Take up walking, or reading books from the library.

Eat healthy. Live simply.


Because when your maternity leave is over and you are faced with going back to work and leaving your sweet baby girl maybe you won’t have to. Maybe you will have more choices.

Maybe you will be able to delay your heart breaking for a few more years.

Trust me.

What a difference a year makes

I was thinking I should do a Thanksgiving gratitude post. But then I was thinking that was a little bit cliche. A lot of thinking going on over here…

And then I remembered that Cora was conceived on Thanksgiving weekend last year. So how could I not?!

I am grateful that it only took us a few months to conceive a child. I know many people who, for whatever reason, are not so fortunate and my heart goes out to them.

I am grateful that my maternity leave is not over until January. C will be 20 weeks old then. So many women have to go back when their babies are 3 months old (which C is now). I am so thankful for those extra 8 weeks.

I am grateful for all of the support that I have had these last three months. Friends, family, lactation consultants, doulas, tweeps, my husband. It takes a village to raise a child and my village rocks.

I am grateful that we have a warm house, clothes on our backs and in our drawers, a TV to watch the parade, and a big turkey with all the fixings to eat with loved ones on Thanksgiving.

I am grateful that I have a job with good benefits. It might not be my life’s calling but I’m good at it, and it pays the bills. I am also grateful that I have my photo business and my blog–my ‘fulfilling’ work. And that I could pursue other opportunities (if I had the energy!).

I am grateful for my husband who knows me better than myself but still stays by my side. Now who is the crazy one?! He has the patience of a saint, the cutest boyish grin, and is the best father I know. Thanks to him I am not that cat lady that I wanted to be when I grew up.

How about you? What are you grateful for this week?

Printable from Craftily Ever After.

Hurricane Baby Prep

I am running around the house getting lanterns out of closets, taking everything up off of the basement floor and nagging my husband to take in the lawn furniture. My husband, on the other hand is making cannelloni and banana bread and telling me to relax. I guess we all react to impending doom differently.

In this case the impending doom is Hurricane Sandy.

I would like to say that I wasn’t this way before I had a baby but that’s not true. I was just as crazy last year during Irene. Irene didn’t cause us any problems, thank God. But Snowtober? We had a tree fall across our driveway and were out of power for 7 days. The first two days were fun. The rest not so much. No power means no refrigerator, stove, heat or hot water and it was cold. It was really cold.

No power with a baby also means no breast pump, no baby swing, no freezer for the stash of breast milk that I have worked so very hard to store up. Dammit I should have added a generator to my baby registry.

So into action I go with a list of things a mile long to prepare. In situations I cannot control I crazily do everything I can to prepare. It gives me the illusion that I have some sort of control. In an emergency situation your list might look a little differently than mine but here is what I have going on:

  • Pay November bills online in case the power goes out and I can’t do it.
  • Make sure that plenty of diapers and wipes are easily accessible.
  • Get lanterns out of closet and put on the kitchen table with the extra batteries.
  • Pack breast milk up extra good and bring to friend who has a generator.
  • Fill tub with water so can bathe/flush toilet if water is shut off.
  • Make sure computers/phones are charged and car charger is accessible if needed.
  • Get cash from ATM machine.
  • Put gas in car. One gas station in town was already closed because they were out.
  • Make sure everyone is bathed and showered before the storm hits.
  • Vacuum, becasue who wants to be holed up in a dirty house?
  • Fill up jars with water for drinking and bags of ice.
  • Take in lawn furniture. Now I’m glad we never got around to Halloween decorations.
  • Clean battery operated vibrating baby chair and put batteries in it.

I am sure I am forgetting something. I should definitely add prayer to the list. And enjoy cannelloni. And breathe. But I have to go switch the laundry now.

I hope that they are all wrong and Sandy is nothing more than a passing shower. I am grateful that I am not alone and I have my husband to brave this with me. I sincerely pray that you all stay safe and warm. I will do everything in my power to make sure my family does too.